6 Steps to Better Parenting

1. Create a loving home.

"Children suffer serious crippling effects when exposed to an inadequate diet of love." ~M. F. Ashley Montagu~

Plan time together as a family on a regular basis. Do not allow television to steal away your attention from them or theirs from you. Be sure to spend time with your mate as well. The stronger your love for each other, the stronger the loving home. Always find ways to "praise" your mate and children.

2. Define and Enforce family rules.

"The fact is kids fare better with clear rules and firm consequences. Without structure, children become self-absorbed, selfish, and unhappy—and they make everyone around them miserable too." ~Ronald Simons, a sociologist at the University of Georgia~

It will take time, effort and perserverence but is well worth your time. Rearing a child who is kind, loving, considerate & respectful is a wonderful payoff for your efforts. Children will naturally test their boundaries. Therefore there is a need to enforce the consequences quickly, in a calm, firm, and consistent manner.. Love & consideration on your part are necessary. As children grow, boundaries do expand but not to a point that there are no boundaries left. Always consider your child's age, maturity & ability (or inability) to make their own moral judgement calls.

3. Exercise your authority.

Studies show that “children brought up by loving but authoritative parents—those who are supportive of their children yet maintain firm limits—excel academically, develop better social skills, feel good about themselves, and are happier overall than kids whose parents are either too lenient or excessively harsh,” says Parents magazine.

From birth through teen years, children will challenge your right to exert authority. Do not worry that you will crush your child's spirit or alienate them by exercising authority. You can exercise authority without being an unreasonable tyrant. We want our children to obey not have a morbid fear of us. We must be reasonable but not giving into every childish desire.

4. Establish and maintain routines.

“studies show that having rules and structure makes a child feel safe
and secure and teaches self-control and self-reliance,” ~Dr. Laurence
Steinberg, a professor of psychology~

Routines are a major part of adult life. Work, worship, recreational activities- usually follow set routines. A parent handicaps their child if they do not provide structure and teach the child to live within a certain amount of routine and schedule. Pleasant bedtime routines, dinner with the family, family recreation, etc are necessary to creating a pleasant family life and childhood. Life is hectic and our children need that predictability and comforting pace. And so do we for that matter!

5. Acknowledge your child's feelings.

Parents are the most important people in a child's life and children naturally want to share their thoughts and feelings with us. To habitually contradict those thoughts and feelings will hinder that natural desire. Many times children express themselves in extreme terms. "I hate my life", for instance, may prompt a parent to respond with "No, you don't." Remember that by acknowledging their feelings you are not necessarily condoning them.

The golden rule really applies here. Imagine if your spouse met your thoughts and feelings with "oh you don't really feel that way" or "you can't really think that". You'd certainly be less likely to confide in him/her again later. So it goes, also, for your children. They need (and so do you) to have you as a confidant.

6. Teach by Example.

Words impart knowledge. Actions teach. It does no good to tell your child to be honest and respectful if the child sees his parents screaming at each other or making calls to get out of something they don't want to do. As the example, you must demonstrate the expected behaviors and not just when the children are around. Whatever your habit becomes, it will show it's ugly head to your children at some point. Better to make your habit a good one.

Years ago, I attended a business seminar and learned the 85/15 rule. People (this includes children) will do 85% of what you do but only 15% of what you say. If you want someone to learn, you must show them by example. Strive to be good--not perfect-- and your children will follow your fine example of behavior.