Independence & Children

With so many so-called "experts" writing books about parenting and filling them with false information, it's no wonder I commonly encounter the challenge of helping moms change their views. One thing I find over and again, is that many parents these days are concerned with their children being "independent". I find it very difficult to teach mothers to push that aside. Yes, we want our children to grow into successful, independent, self-thinking adults, but there is a right and a wrong way to accomplish this. Today, I dispell some myths and present the facts:

Myth:
Picking your child up each time he cries encourages dependence and they'll always be "spoiled" or "whiners".

Truth:
Comforting your child can never lead to a negative behavior. Picking up and comforting your child teaches them that you are there for them. It teaches them that they are worthy of your time, attention and love. This is a self-esteem builder as well as setting the course for their self-image. The result later is that they are comfortable in their own skin and can face the world and it's challenges knowing they are worthy and respectable.

Studies have proven that children who have their emotional needs met (i.e. mom and dad are there to comfort them in their time of grief and sadness) grow into strong, independent teens and adults. Children whose needs are neglected are the ones who feel lost, unloved and unworthy. They tend to be followers and seek approval from others (hardly what one would call independent!) rather than realizing they're own worth.

Myth:
We must teach our children independence by putting them in a crib and letting them get themselves to sleep.

Truth:
The only thing they learn from this method is that they're cold, alone and no one will respond to their needs. Sleeping with your child is the natural, normal, instinctive thing to do. It is warm, cozy and helps them thrive physically & emotionally. All mammals do it. (All human's do it unless they're in western society where we're brainwashed out of it.) The mother cat nurses her young and sleeps with them so that they can fill their hungry bellies. The act of grooming is more than cleaning-- it actually stimulates their hearts, lungs and other vital organs to keep them alive.

A mother sleeping with her child does the same thing. As the baby's heart speeds up.. the mother's slows down and the baby's heart follows suit. By the same token, if the baby's heart begins to slow, the mother's heart speeds up and the baby's speeds up as well. This applies to respiratory patterns as well. It's a dance all through the night between mother and child. Statistics show that mother's who nurse and co-sleep almost never have a child lose his life to SIDS. (*This does not include the 87% of "SIDS" cases that are actually caused by vaccines.)

Myth:
We must teach certain things like sleeping along, weaning and pottying.

Truth:
The response to these are false, false and false. All of these things come as naturally as birth. I don't potty train or push my kids out of my bed. But I guarantee you that I have no 16 year olds still in diapers, nursing or sleeping with mommy. It happens in it's own time instinctively. When you choose to push these things, it creates frustration for both of you and not only will not make them go at your designated speed, but may slow the process simply because they've been stressed.


The point I'm making is that it's natural to meet our children's needs. To ignore them can only cause more issues. If your child is hungry, you feed it. If your child is sick, you seek medical attention. Why do we pay attention to the physical needs but ignore the emotional/mental needs? Then we sit back and ask "what is wrong with kids these days?"

We have created a nation of needy, emotionally neglected humans who are filling those "holes" in their spirits with drugs, sex, and even anger. The entire reason we are given to our children is so that they have someone to take care of them. For a while, they are supposed to be dependent upon us. Why must we feel like we should force them to be miniature adults? If they are supposed to do all of these things themselves, why on earth were they given parents? We are there to nurture; not ignore. We are there to set the example of loving, nurturing, responsible, caring people. We, then create the same. Children learn through imitation and they learn by what is done to them and for them.

*Picture above is my daughter and my property. Do NOT use it. I claim all copyright.*