Many people are completely confused by the choice I have made to live the way that I do. “How can you spend that much time with your kids? Doesn’t it drive you nuts?!” and “Don’t you feel you’ve given up who you are to do this?” are not uncommon responses to my lifestyle.
My answer:
Why would I not want to spend this much time with my children? When you fell in love with your spouse, didn’t you want to spend as much time with them as possible? Didn’t you miss them terribly when they were away? What’s the difference? If you have a close bond with someone; if you are in love with them; then their presence not only doesn’t bother you; but their absence leaves an empty space.
As for feeling I’ve given up myself or a part of myself to be the parent I am: I couldn't disagree more. They are a part of me. They are an extension of who I am. I wouldn’t and couldn’t possibly be the woman I’ve become if not for these children. I’d be someone else had they never been born. So the answer is no.. I’ve not given up anything. Instead, I grew and have become more than I once was. It is a natural progression.. I grew from an infant, to a toddler, a child, into a woman and lover to a mother. I didn’t leave anything behind.. all of these life stages and experience are a part of me and the person I've become. Take away one aspect of my life and you've created a different person.
My friend, Summer, worded it best when she told me her response:
“Time for myself was BEFORE I had children. I had all my life, before I gave birth, for “time for myself”. Once I had a child, that became his time.”
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That is SO true. I mean, some people don’t have a choice. I have a friend who has two children, but no dads around to help support. She has said, though, that she’d much rather stay at home with her girls.
ReplyDeleteYes, but I’m not soley discussing being a stay-at-home-mom. I, myself, am not a stay at home mother. I am a single mom to 5 children with no support from either ex. Yet I’m with my children all the time.
ReplyDeleteIt’s nice to see a mom who takes her job as Mom so seriously. Although i must say it is nice to spend some time away from your kids. I was a stay at home mom, now I works from home, a little outside the homeand spend as muich time as i can with my three kids. THere is nothing like being an involved parent.
ReplyDeleteWhat is sad is that I am the odd one. People say we are “too attached” and that I am hurting my son by being as such. I see my son as secure and happy because of his close bond with me and this in turn gives him the confidence to venture and try new things. He is only 4 and he tells me how he feels about things and is not afraid to talk to me. If we were not close, this would not be possible. As he gets older, this bond will help him through some of the more difficult parts of growing up and he will always know that he can talk to me about anything.
ReplyDelete